Drive-In Dive In: The Ladies of the House

Posted: May 1, 2015 in Drive In, Horror, Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , ,

imageIs cannibalism the flavor of the month?

In 2013, we had a delicious Maori dish served with a side of kiwi in the New Zealand comedy cannibal caper, Fresh Meat. Eli Roth reheated ingredients from classic recipes like Cannibal Apocalypse and Cannibal Holocaust in his 2014 film, The Green Inferno. Even The Walking Dead whipped up a little something at the beginning of season 5 when it turned out that the good folks of Terminus were a match for any zombie when it came to chowing down on their fellow man.

Long pig – it’s not just for hillbillies any more.

Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is a Twitter trend, to update an old Ian Fleming quote. This week, at the virtual drive-in, the blue plate special is The Ladies of the House. Too subtle a title, you say, for the tastes of hardcore exploitation fans? Agreed – Meat Eating Mamas would have gone down much better on the marquee. But the proof is in the pudding, and director John Stuart Wildman delivers a treat in his debut as head chef.

Four comely strippers share a house and a secret, so be careful when they invite you home for dinner. You might be the main course! Yes, the tag lines write themselves for this one.

Brothers Jacob (Gabriel Horn) and Kai (Rj Hanson), accompanied by friend and designated instigator, Derek (Samrat Chakrabarti), head to the Ritz to celebrate Kai’s birthday. The Ritz is, naturally, a rather seedy, seemingly unappreciated strip club that nevertheless features a knockout new girl, Wasabi, which is a terrific stage name for a stripper as the script rightfully points out. Of course, it might be better if the performer were Asian, but why quibble. Adult film actress Belladonna (credited as Michelle Sinclair) continues her transition to mainstream cinema as the writhing little runway number that numbs boys’ brains to the point where they think it’s a good idea to follow her home for an impromptu get together.

“Let’s party it up – Tittyville style,” says Derek, and that’s exactly what goes down until they decide to let Kai try a little Wasabi for his birthday present. Kai is more than a couple of ships short of an armada, not to mention bald and obese, so that’s a big no go from the home team. Harsh words are exchanged, followed by a little gunfire, and by the time the stripper roommates arrive home from the Ritz, we have a major misunderstanding.

There’s an old thug life saying: never home invade a house full of cannibals. Housemother Lin (Farah White), her girlfriend Getty (Melodie Sisk), and sweet, little psycho Crystal (Brina Palencia) struck out looking for an after-work snack, so as upset as they are by finding their roommate in bad way, they do see the upside of having their midnight meal delivered.

Almost everything in The Ladies of the House is a little bit better than you might expect. The dialogue, from the screenplay by Wildman and Justina Walford, is sharper. The music by Yasushiko Fukuoka is absolutely first rate. The boys are a step up from the cardboard cretins who deserve their comeuppance. The girls are lookers, naturally, but they bring a spirit of fun and a sense of panache to the festivities, particularly Sisk who seems to be channeling a butch Rosie the Riveter.

There are two sex scenes, one of which is the coveted girl-on-girl action near and dear to drive-in fans everywhere, and an outstanding evisceration – not to mention a little something called the Piglet. So what are you waiting for?

Dig in.




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